By Kim Hawthorne
Lately I have felt like I am living life at the edge of a cliff. Some days I completely fall off, and those are brutal days that I truly wonder if I will survive, or if I even want to.
Today, despite being my birthday, was one of those days. Everything was on fire around me. A relentless, steady stream of stresses coming at me from one too many directions.
It won’t end.
I feel so beat up, so run down.
I just need everything to stop so I can breathe, catch up, process all of this mounting trauma.
It seems the more that I try to learn from and study God’s Word, work hard to apply His armour and other principles, the more the enemy attacks – particularly in those areas.
I recently dove into a study on the principle of Sabbath and building better margins in my life for God. So of course, how does the enemy attack? With persistent stress and an endless stream of urgent issues that simply cannot wait – swallowing up my opportunities to apply healthy boundaries for rest and peace.
So finally, it’s 9pm. I decided I really should eat a little something since I never did get around to dinner. Once I calmed my anxious stomach down enough, I reheated a bowl of leftover pasta. Maybe a little comfort food would be, well, comforting on a night like this. Instead, on the way to the couch, I dropped my bowl. My dinner went everywhere, some even landed down the stairs. Seriously.
I just felt so defeated. Admittedly, that’s becoming a familiar feeling these days. My ever supportive husband insisted on cleaning up my mess. God bless him. I surrendered. Dazed, I just went to get ready for bed.
When I went to move my Bible off my bed for the night, I remembered Psalm 27 had (randomly?) popped up on my phone the other day from the Bible App. I started reading.
I cannot remember if it was before, during or after reading the Psalm that I had this vivid image.
It was that rocky cliff I keep picturing. I was over the edge except this time, I was dangling by a thick rope that I was desperately clinging to. God was at the top – sometimes pulling me up, sometimes just holding on. It was a terrifying place. It was hard work and exhausting to do my part to get back up, but I was hanging on and God had ahold of me. In my weakness, His strength really is perfect. I can do this. I can make it.
I think I finally got up on solid ground again (interestingly, that part was blurry) because ahead, not too far off, I saw a lush, green, rainforest oasis that God and I were walking towards…
I can hold on.
I will hold on.
About the author
Kim and her husband Josh have been members of Elevation since the very beginning. They have two daughters, Lana and Chloe, and we are delighted to have Kim share some of her writing here.